Lately I have been swimming in the middle of the funkiest of funks. Its been a couple of months of high waves, low depths and a fair mixture of annoyingly boring middle ground. Big decisions are weighing heavily on my mind and I have let them eat away, bite-by-bite, at my attitude. I have been quicker to snap, slower to love and more inclined to the negative. Lovely, I know. I’ve been an absolute peach to be around lately, obviously.
Realistically, I know that I have absolutely no reason to be feeling a little miffed about my life right now. The decisions that I am facing are actually happy decisions (I need to remind myself of that on a daily basis, so indulge me in doing so here). Either outcome will bring a fairly even mixture of joy, worry, excitement and loneliness. And let’s face it…my trials and worries do not even compare to the majority of lovely people that I know. But they are my trials. So there.
My problem is that I
sometimes always tend to rush. I make up my mind and I go. One thing that I know very well about myself is that I am not patient. And to be honest, I hate that. With a capital H.
After talking to the wisest women I know (thank you, mama!) it has come to my attention that the only thing I can do is make specific daily decisions to be happy. I need to do the things I know will make me feel more joy even when those things are the last things in the world that I want to do (or have motivation to do)!
WHY IS THIS THOUGHT SO HARD FOR ME TO PROCESS?
Anyway. The other day I had this crazy transcendental hippie experience that convinced me that if I made an outward change, an inward change was bound to follow. So I finally did it. I chopped my hair. 10 inches of it! Freedom! Hosannah! Gloria!
And you know what…it’s starting to work. I feel sassier, wiser(?) and in general I am doing my hair more often so that can only serve to be a positive thing, right? Anything that motivates me to get ready on a day off of work can only be divine intervention, that’s for dang sure.
Wanna know something else? Just writing this all out on an empty screen has already made me feel better today. Good vibes are headed my way.
Over and out.